Reveries Broken, Plans Ruined.

I'm back from the dead, rêveurs. I've posted new blogs in February and March and the beginning of April just as many times I've gone to the gym. 0. Anyway, that's all changing now. From what I remember I started this blog for myself, recording all the traveling I would do in my life this year. Turns out I need more money. So I changed it to the year I would volunteer my heart out.

I've joined Recycled Resources of Highland Park that give the homeless necessities such as clothes, deodorants, hand sanitizers, shoes, and lunch for the day once a month.  So far this man by Lacy Park has always called my attention. I remember my mother saying what drinking can do because of the way his lips were pouted, but my mother never denied him money when she had it because she didn't know what he would buy. It all started out with the season of lent. I decided for every Friday that I would give up meat and dinner altogether, I would give someone a meal. I went looking for this man, and I either could never find him or he was asleep under the bridge. This happened a couple times, luckily someone was always there that needed a meal. It was McDonald's by the way. I was driving and finally found him! So I went to McDonald's, got him a 2 cheeseburger meal, and honked at him when I went back. He came up to my car so nicely and politely, and was so grateful. He told me that he would return me the favor when I needed it and that at least he doesn't steal or cause trouble. He's been trying to find a job. I saw his eyes and they were so peaceful --- something you don't get to see when you're at a distance. I told him he had nice eyes and they lit up with disbelief. He thanked me and I drove away. I had to turn around again, and when I did, he went back to his spot under the bridge, and gave the second burger to his friend whom I didn't see. He was probably napping. I now see my friend on a regular basis and continue to buy him some meals, but I still can't pronounce his name! I was told to wear something frequently whenever I see the homeless when I'm out shopping and stuff so they can remember me by that particular thing. I figure it's my little red Nissan.

Anyway, I went to the dentist today and he said I need a lot of work. So now the money I have planned to save for traveling in January for a couple months, has to go to my damned teeth. I'm actually thinking of becoming an actuary now to start off with some good money, but that's enough changes. I'm kind of bummed about my teeth, but even more so about not traveling to see friends. I still haven't found a job, I just don't know how I'm gonna do this. Might go to Mexico. Even the dentist mentioned this. I wouldn't mind either. It must be done.

All in all, my plans are ruined and put on hold. Unless I marry a rich someone in the next couple months, nothing will change. For now, all I can do is give to others who, unfortunately, don't have what I have. Good nite.

The Epiphany Feeling

You know, I always knew what I wanted in life --- what I wanted and how I was gonna get there, what I was gonna do before I settle down on a career... but now I have so many things going on and I just don't know how I'm gonna do it.

For the past 5 years I've been working towards a BA in Math to become a high school teacher, I wanted to travel to Europe in the summer after I graduate, blah blah blah, and so on and so on. Well, then I was thinking, "Let's minor in French and study abroad, Jackie." Okay, how do I do that when I'm about to graduate and start working towards my credential and MA? How am I going to live on my own in my last year of college like I promised I would? I don't know anymore. I know what I want, but I don't know what I want first.

 My mind has been clogged with these ideas and it's making me more tired and anxious to finish or not finish school. Here's what might work... I move out, own my classes, graduate, get my minor in French in France, come back and get my credential for another friggin' year, then start teaching. But the thing is that I want to be an actuary later on. That's gonna take me forever but that's something I'm considering when I'm in my mid 30s. Oh God, that doesn't seem so far away (reverie takes place). (Breaking the reverie) Okay, back from that flash forward of horror --- hey, that rhymes--- everything I've ever wanted to be or do has come to a clash. It's like each option is calling my name begging for me to choose them just like the kids in elementary school that would act like monkeys to be picked for kickball or be chosen to answer by the teacher. Then I was thinking lets not graduate until I get my minor in French, then graduate and start on my credential. Another option is to not minor in French at all then--- OMG!!! I got it!!! I won't minor in French, I'll move out, graduate in the fall and right after I graduate just go to Europe for a a couple of months and come back to get my credential. Yay! Maybe I shouldn't even move out. Neh, I have to.

Okay, well now the question is should I move out or should I dorm? Hmmm... I'll move out until I graduate and come back with my parents to set up my traveling stuff for a couple of weeks, and then go to Europe, visit all the countries I've always wanted to and see my friends, then come back just in time to find a place to live and start my credential  =D Then I'll be a teacher and start studying for actuarial science, then I'll take the tests, and slowly but surely become and Actuary. Phew! Okay, that looks promising.

See that, rêveurs? I just came up with the road map to my future. This seems more like an online journal for myself, I don't know how many people are reading this right now, or have read my other posts in the past. Probably like 3. Maybe 4? Anyway, I gotta go start studying my butt off. Until then, rêveurs!

Annoyances of the Day

So right now, I'm in school. In the library without proper means of doing homework. So now I am waiting for an appointment with a study abroad advisor. I hope the sound of the fees won't be too bad, and I hope that the intervals of payments won't be worse. Anyway, I notice a lot of things, for I am an extremely observant person.

These observances OF JUST ONE DAY go through my mind all the time but I don't really notice them, except for one which is driving. Oh goodness, how I detest other drivers. Honestly, I've almost died like three times. NO JOKE. They all have been trucks that were driven by MEN. Yes, men, who always say women are bad drivers and call themselves the pros of the road. Two have been those really big commercial trucks with those stickers in the back that say "If you can't see my mirrors, then I can't see you." Homey, I was right by your door and you almost killed me! Thank goodness my spidey senses are always present. First, I thank the Lord that I was alive and well and then I panicked and yelled at the guy. The other time was a normal truck and this butthole tried merging into my lane, there was just one problem...I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. This time I yelled and he didn't even look, I knew he was listening because I honked the hell out of my car. I started crying afterwards because I knew I had a love and hate relationship with driving. I love to drive, and I drive pretty well. But the fear of being killed at any instant by some moron goes through my mind all the time.

Other things I noticed are how some people in class are participating and showing how well they know the topicand all, and I congratulate them because they fool evryone, but not me. The thing is with these people who sound so smart and know what they're doing, ARE RETAKING THE CLASS. What makes it more embarassing for lack of a better word is that they were the same way the first time they took that class. When I see these people the next time I retake a class, I said to myself "But they looked so smart and they participated and everything!" The fact is, education is a gift and sometimes, you can't grasp a subject the first time and to that I really congratulate you. Not making fun anymore.

One last thing before I head over to this lady, is how girls enter the bathroom and see themselves and fix their hair and makeup, AND THEN THEY GO IN THE STALL. I mean, you're supposed to do this after you do your business. This one girl I saw today while I was doing my makeup entered the bathroom, checker herself in the mirror, fixed her hair, and then went in the stall but quickly came out of it to check her hair YET AGAIN and then went into another stall. She came out and still was fixing her hair and checking her makeup. Ayeayeaye. Oh well, gotta look good right? Anyway I'm off to see if I will be going to France or Italy in the Fall Quarter of 2013. Later, rêveurs.

The Coffee Lovers Charity

I must say, Rêveurs, the new year just started and I'm already pretty pissed. I came upon this blog I usually read, but this time one of its authors wrote about a coffee lover's philosophy called "Pay it Forward." Now apparently this coffee shop has had strangers buy every one's drink for whatever amount they paid. It all started with a woman who came in, bought coffee, and gave $100 to the cashier to pay the drinks for whomever was behind her. At first, I thought "Wow. That was really nice of them." But then I kept reading and learned that this has been going on for the past 2 years. Now I'm not saying the people who donate are bad people.

I left my comment at the end of the blog stating that the money could have been given towards a better cause. There are more important things than coffee. Especially if this community has been giving for the past 2 years. Now, after my comment, I later found out that someone replied to it and said giving is giving and whatnot, but in a nice way, so I replied in return saying I understand that, but I still think after 2 years, that money could have helped a really good cause. And then another person said if he or she were ever on fire someone can just throw me over him or her to extinguish the flames. Wow, what nerve for that person to write that to me, while we are talking about giving and charity in a mature manner. Another person wrote that I'm the needy one and am jealous of them rich coffee drinkers. Please.

A couple of others said giving is giving, but there was another person that agreed with me calling the Pay it Forward philosophy a "placebo effect" which makes the giving person feel good about what they did, but not really making a change. I didn't want to reply since I was just over the thing, not wanting to preach my opinion. After all, that's what it is --- an opinion. If people get my opinion through their head and agree with it, then that's cool. But if they don't, that's just fine. It's not like I'm going to see them anywhere. All that matters to me is knowing people out there are giving to the right occasion. I know my money and volunteer time will always go toward something that NEEDS it like charities that help with the poor, homeless, hungry, or sick. People who do the giving rather than the receiving are forever blessed but “you can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.” --- P. J. O'Rourke.

And the Dreaming Begins

Good morning, rêveurs! Still till trying to figure this blog thing out.  I just started school and thought I'd empty my mind to focus on the more important things. I hate being sick while going to school, especially since I just started the first days of the winter quarter. I kept coming in and out of class because I kept coughing my lungs out. I feel like I disturb everyone's focus.


Onward,  I was hoping to do lots of traveling this year possibly in the summer but it seems like a real hassle rushing through these beautiful European cities. I can't do that without having to leave school for a little bit and the thought of waiting yet another year to graduate doesn't really give me the motive to go. So instead I thought about studying abroad, that way I could visit each country with ease.   I knew it was there a while back when I first started school, but I always thought of just finishing school first and then traveling. Europe is calling my name, and loudly. I gave this some real thought and I'm gonna do it!


 My choices were France and Italy since I can speak French and understand Italian. With the French cities being Paris and Aix-en-Provence, and the Italian city being Florence, I decided to cross out Paris since it's costs a pretty penny to do anything there. Of course, if I'm assured by a counselor that won't be the case, then I just might put it back in my little black hat of choices. Being the indecisive person that I am, I can't seem to make up my mind. I mean, yeah, I speak French, but it doesn't mean I understand it completely. I've been told I have a really good accent, and I can read it out loud like I know what I'm saying. I can read a book and understand the idea of what it's about,  but still, I'm no pro. I did forget some terminology since my high school years and since I last took it 2 years ago in my college years. As for Italian, I understand most of it. I'm currently teaching myself and I must say, it's pretty easy. I love all things French-- the language, the musique, the style---but Italy has always been my fancy since I started cooking real---yes, REAL---Italian cuisine over 2 years ago. Have you been to either or both? You can comment if you'd like so I can get a better idea. Anyway, whatever I choose is going to change my life for that moment. Wish me luck!

Sup.

Hey, guys! Welcome to my very first and brand new blog --- oh wait, I think everyone just has one blog. Never mind. Happy New Year to you all! I hope you spent a wonderful time during the holidays. My name is Jacqueline but everyone calls me Jackie and I will be your host for the day. This blog is just there as a New Year's resolution along with volunteering more than I already have and traveling. It's there to empty my mind since I have so many things in there that are unheard of, and I can't post them on Facebook because it looks like my whole life story in one post.

Breaking the reverie is that moment when you're daydreaming and shake your head back into reality BUT, instead of breaking the dream, the dream becomes reality. I know what you're thinking, sounds cliche, but, bear with me. This goes into the whole fool's paradise thing you see up at the top under the title. Basically those unheard of things are opinions, fantasies, thoughts, updates on my volunteer and travel adventures and whatnot. Some blog, huh? I wanted my first entry to be a video blog but there were so many takes because I kept messing up and being a perfectionist,  I just stopped.

To all my friends reading this, enjoy, and to those I don't know, enjoy it even more. Until then!