The Epiphany Feeling

You know, I always knew what I wanted in life --- what I wanted and how I was gonna get there, what I was gonna do before I settle down on a career... but now I have so many things going on and I just don't know how I'm gonna do it.

For the past 5 years I've been working towards a BA in Math to become a high school teacher, I wanted to travel to Europe in the summer after I graduate, blah blah blah, and so on and so on. Well, then I was thinking, "Let's minor in French and study abroad, Jackie." Okay, how do I do that when I'm about to graduate and start working towards my credential and MA? How am I going to live on my own in my last year of college like I promised I would? I don't know anymore. I know what I want, but I don't know what I want first.

 My mind has been clogged with these ideas and it's making me more tired and anxious to finish or not finish school. Here's what might work... I move out, own my classes, graduate, get my minor in French in France, come back and get my credential for another friggin' year, then start teaching. But the thing is that I want to be an actuary later on. That's gonna take me forever but that's something I'm considering when I'm in my mid 30s. Oh God, that doesn't seem so far away (reverie takes place). (Breaking the reverie) Okay, back from that flash forward of horror --- hey, that rhymes--- everything I've ever wanted to be or do has come to a clash. It's like each option is calling my name begging for me to choose them just like the kids in elementary school that would act like monkeys to be picked for kickball or be chosen to answer by the teacher. Then I was thinking lets not graduate until I get my minor in French, then graduate and start on my credential. Another option is to not minor in French at all then--- OMG!!! I got it!!! I won't minor in French, I'll move out, graduate in the fall and right after I graduate just go to Europe for a a couple of months and come back to get my credential. Yay! Maybe I shouldn't even move out. Neh, I have to.

Okay, well now the question is should I move out or should I dorm? Hmmm... I'll move out until I graduate and come back with my parents to set up my traveling stuff for a couple of weeks, and then go to Europe, visit all the countries I've always wanted to and see my friends, then come back just in time to find a place to live and start my credential  =D Then I'll be a teacher and start studying for actuarial science, then I'll take the tests, and slowly but surely become and Actuary. Phew! Okay, that looks promising.

See that, rêveurs? I just came up with the road map to my future. This seems more like an online journal for myself, I don't know how many people are reading this right now, or have read my other posts in the past. Probably like 3. Maybe 4? Anyway, I gotta go start studying my butt off. Until then, rêveurs!